By Mobius Carpatuna (Staff Writer)
EVERET, WASHINGTON – Conservative commentator Glenn Beck was in a tizzy Thursday evening, while preparing for his Friday show.
"Somebody stole my chalk!" a neighbor claims to have heard Beck shouting from his studio. The visibly shaken neighbor, who spoke on condition of anonymity, believes the chalk was a reference to Beck's famous blackboard. The blackboard is a prop, explained the neighbor, which Beck uses to target so-called "evil conspirators."
The latest of Beck's evil conspirators is the political action group CREDO. That group enjoys a 350,000 strong membership.
"I was surprised when a friend called to say that Glenn Beck had attacked CREDO on his show," writes Michael Kieschnick, CREDO President. "Then I watched it. Beck not only came after us, he put my picture on his famous blackboard, and called out five great nonprofits that we're proud to fund. Beck went on and on, spinning wild conspiracy theories."
Kieschnick said he was proud to have been honored with chalkboard status.
Everet police were called in, as neighbors complained about a loud screeching noise. It is suspected the noise was caused by one of Beck's wives, whichever one has the longest fingernails, as she dragged those nails down the blackboard.
"I don't care about your d*rned chalk!" the neighbor reported hearing, "I want you to take your daughter to her soccer game!"
Everet Police Chief Papa Joe Frizzio wouldn't comment to Rumor Slut, except to say that he arrested Beck on a domestic disturbance, and gave Beck's daughter a lift to the soccer field.
Beck is out on bail, but it is not clear what impact the missing chalk will have on his next performance, or if the chalk theft will be investigated.
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