A Comedy, in Three Parts

The interview.

Enter center stage, with a desk, and a man and woman siting on either side of the desk.

Herman Cain sits in a red leather chair. Across the desk from Cain sits Sharon Bialek, who is in Cain’s office looking for a job.

“So, Miss Bialek, tell me what skills you will bring to Godfather Pizza?” asks Cain. He begins to open a desk drawer.

Bialek looks at her interviewer and tells him some of her good points. Cain watches Bialek, licking his lips, and slowly pulls a white latex glove over his left hand.

 

Uzbekistan.

Six women dance onto the stage, three entering from the left, three entering from the right. They begin to sing an old campfire favorite called “Three Merry Fishermen” which include the lyrics,

“They all went down to Amster-dam,

They all went down to Amster-dam,

Amster, Amster, dam, dam, dam,

Amster, Amster, dam, dam, dam,

They all went down to Amster-dam.”

But the lyrics have been changed to:

“They all went down to Uzbeki-stan,

They all went down to Uzbeki-stan,

Beki, Beki, stan, stan, stan,

Beki, Beki, stan, stan, stan,

They all went down to Uzbeki-stan.”

Corporal Cain.

In the third act, the old Pink Floyd song Corporal Clegg is played, the lyrics of which originally go:

“Corporal Clegg, had a wooden leg.

He won it in the war, of 1944.

Corporal Clegg, had a medal too.

He won it from the Queen,

his boots were very clean.”

In this version, however, the lyrics are altered to:

“Herman Cain, had a wooden leg.

He won it in the bar,

He tossed dough very far.

Herman Cain, had a medal too.

He won it from a Queen,

His face was very mean.”